A Quick Guide to Not Killing Your Coworkers

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There’s someone in your office or workspace that’s driving you crazy. He might even be doing it right now. Okay, we say he, but it could be anyone; annoying coworkers cover a broad spectrum of the population. All of us, in fact, it’s just that some people are really good at getting under your skin.

And, we’re not sure why, but they’re more annoying now than ever before.

That’s why you want to leap from your desk and just… well, you know.

Take a deep breath; it’s going to be okay. You’re not going to kill your co-workers because, well, bad idea all around. But, you are going to take some action.

It’s quite simple, really. You just need to reach that zen point where everything feels like “I am rubber, you are glue; whatever you say bounces off of me and sticks to you.” Only, you know, not so spiteful or play-ground-esque.

Straight away you’re thinking that you’re not going to burst out some yoga or meditation in the middle of the day; that’s just not your scene. And, we’re not asking you to. There’s a much easier way to achieve that sort of high.

It’s called capsaicin – and it’s a quick and legal way to chill the feck out while, ironically and simultaneously, fending off fire in your mouth.

All you need to do is get out your trusty bottle of Mad Dog Hot Sauce; the one you carry with you to the office every day is the obvious choice, of course. (Though, we’re certain you should make the switch to Mad Dog Pain on a Chain if you’re actually toting around a bottle of liquid pain every day. It’s just safer.)

Grab a toothpick or teaspoon and dive into your Mad Dog. (Not literally. Never literally. Don’t even think about doing this to your worst enemies.) Wait for the tears and dancing to pass; it’ll take just a few minutes.

Now you’ve hit that hot sauce high. This is your zen, the feeling that will stop you from shaking the life out of he-who-must-not-be-named.

You’ll be sailing through your workday without even noticing that that you’ve become rubber in the face of, clearly, the most annoying person on the planet. You’ll fly through your tasks, forming a group of sidekicks and fans to match your superhero status. You’ll be promoted; he’ll be let go. Life will always be this brilliant.

Or, you could just find his lunch and add a touch of Mad Dog Hot Sauce to it. Works either way when you think about it. Zen achieved. Coworkers still alive. Task accomplished.

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